the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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