Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
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A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
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My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I got inside last night via doggy door
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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