Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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