my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
