where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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