I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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