Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
