My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
