when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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