My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Boobs speak an international language.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
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