remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Randomize
