I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
