he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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