I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
