Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
