We won't sleep together?
Kiss
Puke
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
