i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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