If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
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Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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