Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
