i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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