party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
