Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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