Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
