Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
