fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
