I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
