you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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