So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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