I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
