I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
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I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
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I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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