dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
