My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
