It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
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My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
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The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
His nipple licking is glorious
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