well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
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