i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
