Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
