My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
