she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
