We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Mom said you looked used
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
