just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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