Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
