Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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