Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Randomize
