Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
