Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
