I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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