p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
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3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
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40s are totally the cure
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize