They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
