You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Randomize
