I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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