can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
