About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
