my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
