I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
