onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
