I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
