If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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