pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
