She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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