OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
