I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
