he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
