So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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