u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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