Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
