Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
