Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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