Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Randomize
