Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
