I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
