we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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