I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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