ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
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Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
50% drunk capacity currently
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But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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