I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
