it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
